anxious

I am headed back to Boston tomorrow to begin another nine months of MFA classes, bicoastal marriage and actually experiencing the seasons. I have been trying to look at it this way: I’ve already gotten through one year of school, now there’s just 2 semesters left. No problem. But the truth is I have been feeling unmotivated and anxious about doing this all over again. I have been having the craziest dreams, partly because I have been sleeping in quite a bit. I always have weird dreams when I sleep past 8 am. But these have definitely been anxiety dreams, which leave me feeling unsettled when I get up. I have been focusing all my energy on planning our trip to SE Asia in December, because I am super-excited about that, and planning what to take back to Boston with me seems somehow less interesting. Gee, I wonder why? Boston vs. Thailand. Yeah. Kind of a no-brainer.

There’s some lack of excitement about school, too, because I guess I already know what I am in for. Yes, I have to write a thesis this year, some 150 page miracle that I am currently on a shaky page 65 of. That will be tough. But also, one of the classes I was most excited about for this semester…well, I am just not as excited anymore. My professor is teaching many of the same books he taught last semester, and since I had him twice last semester, that means that there are two books out of six that I have already studied twice. Which was plenty. Of the other four books, I’ve read one (In Cold Blood) twice before (once in high school, once last semester), one (Don’t Let’s Go to the Dogs Tonight), a friend lent to me  a couple of years ago. And a third (Autobiography of a Face) I know I’ll be reading in another class I am taking this semester. So that means I have read (or will have read) 5 out of 6 books for this class without even taking this class. Which is disappointing on a number of levels. I had anticipated reading Iron and Silk and Seabiscuit in this class, and got let down. I’ve read Iron and Silk before, of course, but I was looking forward to discussing it in a class. Bleh.

There’s also the fact that unlike last fall semester, I won’t be coming to SF for Thanksgiving break. And we’ll be away for more than half of my Xmas break, which means I am basically going to Boston to live for the next 9 months. I can’t pretend that I still live in SF. Aside from preparing for that emotionally, it’s tough to think about what I might need to bring. How do you pack for 9 months?!

Anyway, with all of the anxiety, I haven’t been able to write much this week. I have made some progress on the book in the month of vacation I have had here in SF. Probably not as much as I should have made, but these things happen. I did do a fair amount of organizing material/research for the book, which has to count for something.

I will say that I am looking forward to returning to the weather in Boston (at least for the short term). San Francisco has been fairly foggy and cold since I returned in mid-August, and it is bumming me out! It’s gray and bleh just about every day, and the temps have been only in the low 60s. The forecast for Cambridge over the next few days? Sunny and highs in the high 70s to mid-80s. Awesome.

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