Well, I’m done. I mailed out my thesis to my committee on Friday. It was 240 pages, 12 chapters plus a prologue and an epilogue. And four pages of endnotes.
I wrote a book.
Somehow I expected to feel differently (more excited, more celebratory?) about writing my first book, but I’m mostly just tired. I spent the last two weeks (well, the last 6 months, really) secluded in my office rewriting and spell-checking. Somehow I managed to rework five chapters in about 12 days. I even completely rewrote two of those from scratch (one a day!) which kind of blows my mind.
I am thinking I will feel more of a sense of accomplishment after my defense, which is in two weeks or so. Then I will feel like I’ve finished. In the mean time, I am taking a brief break — from my computer (my back, eyes and wrists are feeling the last two weeks) and from writing. I feel like I’ve gorged myself on candy — that sick feeling, like I never want to eat any again….I feel this way about writing right now…Like I would be happy not going through that experience — the long months alone, endless hours in front of the computer, wrestling with content, words, chapters — again. But deep down, I know that in a month or so, I’ll be ready to write something else. Maybe with a break I’ll even be able to look at my thesis again so I can send it out. Because that was the point all along.
In the mean time, I’m taking a break from blogging too. My postings here have been erratic lately anyway — a symptom of my frazzled feelings about writing. I’m sure I won’t be able to stay away for long, though, as is usually the case when I declare a blogging vacation.
See you in a week or two!