So, I am job hunting. I have not been writing about this, or writing at all, frankly, because this is a demoralizing process and has been taking up a lot of my time. And depending on your perspective, the whole thing is rather frightening on certain levels. I have been reading a lot of job ads recently, and my reactions generally range from laughter to yawns to the itchiness that comes from an editor type reading language that’s just, well, wrong on many levels. I should point out that I am looking for writing and/or editing jobs. The excerpts below are all from job ads found in the writing and editing category on Craigslist, or on sites specifically devoted to jobs in media and publishing.
I give you the recent “best of”:
-“Ensure documents are placed correctly into the documentation system.” I don’t know about you, but I think that sounds absolutely fascinating. Where do I sign up for that?
-“Leverage content testing technology to iterate messaging ideas.” I don’t know where to even begin to understand this. If you are messaging, aren’t you already “iterating” ideas? And who says things like that?
-“to evangelize product FAQ’s, web design and customer experience.” Evangelize? Talk about words that tell me to run in the other direction. And how do you evangelize frequently asked questions?
-“Ability to conduct effective informational interviews with SMEs”
Who? And why isn’t “ability to comprehend unexplained acronyms” on this job listing?
-“Geographical aptitude—i.e., a working knowledge of the 50 states, locations of major/minor cities and varying time zones” A “working” knowledge of the 50 states? Aiming high people, aiming high.
-“Candidate can reject setbacks.” Or, thankfully, jobs in which the employers say things like “reject setbacks.”
-“Experience writing for end users who use complex specialized tools.” Like power saws? Does this mean they have opposable thumbs?
-“Bullet-proof time-management skills.” Not the best imagery for recruiting purposes, I don’t think.
-“Doesn’t use interface as a verb.” Thank god, someone is sane. Unfortunately, not a job I was interested in.
And finally, the winner: I recently saw a job opening at “Whore! Magazine.” (Was “Whore” not catchy enough, is that why they needed the exclamation point?)
Maybe I’ll apply. I’m thinking that the name alone would be a huge! resume builder.