Enough.

I quit my job.

I’m returning to a freelance life. I would call this time spent as a full-time reporter a short-lived experiment, except that it was not really an experiment. It was my job, and I put my whole self into it, or tried, for more than four months. I have many, many conflicted emotions about all of this, some of which I am not ready to detail.

But mainly: The problem with my job was that I could not put my whole self into it. A part of me was, as anyone who’s been reading this blog for a while knows, always wanting to spend more time writing creatively. I have been frustrated by my lack of time, and specifically by my lack of writing time. I have been generally moody and unhappy since June. I have not been sleeping well. I have not been sleeping enough. I have not been eating healthfully. I have not been exercising much, beyond walking my dog to the park. I have let many, many things go in my life that I consider important. While any job requires sacrifice, at some point the balance was tipped: the sacrifices were outweighing the gains.

And so. In a few weeks it begins again. I will attempt to return to stories and essays that have been lying dormant in cobwebby files inside my computer’s hard drive. I will once again send writing out. And I would like to think I have renewed focus and motivation regarding my hopes for my writing.

There is NaNoWriMo, too, which I am looking forward to participating in for the first time. I may not be completely free of in-the-office obligations for some weeks, however. To anyone who assumes I will now have all the time in the world to sit around crafting a novel during the month of November, I assure you, I will not. I hope to have more flexibility by mid-month, yes. But a freelance life, as has been discussed here before, does not mean an idle life. I still need to work, to make money, and, socially, to live beyond my own writing. Drumming up assignments and marketing oneself is time-consuming. Freelance just provides the benefit of time flexibility, without all the awesome co-workers.

And so I will be carving out the hours needed to complete 50,000 words during a busy month whenever I can find them, probably at odd, early-morning times. I can’t wait.

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12 thoughts on “Enough.

  1. Congratulations on the shift back to freelancing full-time. I needed to read this post right now, as I am just starting to try and make this whole thing work for me. You’re right, it is exhuasting, but you give me hope!!

    Good luck!!!!!

  2. Congrats! I know this is the right thing for you, and I’m always for what seems to the masses (or in my case family) like unconventional career choices…they have a way of working out for me and they will for you as well. And I should mention…on a recent boot buying expedition in Belgium I specifically did NOT buy a pair of boots without a zipper (even though they were slouchy and went on and off fairly easily) because of your story and a subsequent intense fear that my feet and legs will swell up inexplicably and I will have to take a pair of scissors to them to get them off me. Lots of love!

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